Frustrated....

Well I almost opened up and told him about this blog...but he had another panic attack about our marriage. He found out I have a 4 day weekend coming up and he freaked...now let me explain why. I have a friend who's kinky and he wants to scene with me. We are attracted to each other and with my history hubby feels by this relationship. Now my friend just had MAJOR surgery..I'm talking MAJOR recovery time he won't be himself for at least 6 weeks..but hubby is so fearful that I'll go see him on Monday that he has now taken Monday off to spend the day with me. He wants to do all sorts of kinky stuff (stuff I like to do and so does he just with kiddos it's very difficult to do it here at home). I'm really not wanting to do it. I love him dearly but he cannot hurt me the way I desire to be hurt. I love to have marks left on me and he's never been able to handle doing that to me. I understand leaving marks on someone you love can be different. Maybe I'm expecting too much. He's such a gentle soul, kind loving and an awesome dad...I'm just craving more than I think he can give. I'll give him the chance keep  my mind open and try to be positive...wish me luck!!!