Madness...

This is truly madness...in every sense of the word. I try to include him in my relationships that he says do not bother him at all. He has asked that all I do is be honest and keep him in the loop.I'm sitting in the bath reading to him an exchange between a friend and myself..he gets down on his knees and starts to read what I'm reading...annoying?? YES OR NO you answer... the answer for me is YES without a doubt YES!!! So I asked him to back off...please stop reading over me like that (yes we've discussed this before) he walks out... mad

This text exchange had nothing to do with sex. AT ALL..it was how my friend is dealing with a difficult situation. I've been worried for my friend and hubby knew that. I was trying to keep him updated on what has been going on. Plus he asked about this friend.

Now let me tell you how I cheated on my husband. I played online through emails with a Dom. I took pictures of myself in sexual positions of all sorts and sent them to him. I used my phone to do this so my phone is always under scrutiny, understandably. My hubby has time and again gone through my phone, my personal writings that I have (until now with this blog) NEVER shared with anyone. My writing (I write stories) have always always been very personal and up until I got caught cheating I was given at least that much privacy. I understand not getting much privacy after getting caught. I've handed him my phone and said to look he keeps saying he doesn't want to look..that he trusts me...than why do I feel like I'm under the microscope? I feel as though I'm constantly watching out for how he's doing. Like its my job to make all stress and all things that could upset him not happen or at least lessen the blow for him. WHY? Why do I take that all on me...well honestly because I love him and I try to make his life easier..which in turn makes my life all the much more difficult. Now how to fix this...I have no clue and frankly I'm tired....