Hubs and I have been going through a rough year. It all boils down to me cheating. Yep I'll admit it I'm a cheater. I was exploring sexually online...meet a man and started a relationship. Why did I do it? Well honestly I was embarrassed by being turned on by kinky sex. I wanted to experience it so much and I was afraid of being judged by him, so I found someone willing to online play with me. I thought I could get away with it but apparently I suck at hiding things on the computer!! I never meet this online guy in person. But there's one thing I will not debate..what I did was and is cheating. No if ands or butts in my mind. I betrayed the trust my hubs had in me. I'll forever be sorry about the whole thing. I will never forget the look on his face when I finally admitted to what was going on.
Here we are about a year after it happened and the fallout is still raining down. While we have made many changes in our marriage it's dealing with those changes that have proven to be the hardest. He doesn't like change (not many people I know are thrilled with change). So I still walk a very fine line. He needs lots of reassurance, lots of talks, lots of lovin...and I try my hardest to give it all to him. Even days when I feel like I just can't do it anymore. How many more times do I have to hear that you are just freaking out and your mind is running. I'm not going anywhere...I always come home to you...really you can't stand even one day away from you?? I try to remember that the trust between us has been wiped clean that there's none left and to build that up I have to be patient, kind, loving, understanding and TALK TALK TALK. Where do we go from here? I know where I want to go...now to get us there!!!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, my husband cheated on me with another women. I felt betrayed, helplessness and separated. The hurt and the fear of humiliation itself is unbearable. Even though we went to counseling and talked alot, tried to be honest with ourselves, there were a lot of times of remorse and dispare to the point where I just wanted to jump off a cliff. His body movement, how he responded to questions and how he acted during certain things made me feel very uneasy. I love him very MUCH!! Both of us want to stay together and to this day we still want to be together more than ever. He feels very bad and horrible about what happened and wishes he could go back and fix things, to make them right. Love and trust are the foundations of a loving marriage. Even though it’s been year’s since this has happened, I still find myself sometimes wondering if it’s or going to happening again. For myself, it was very hard to forgive, since I’m afraid of a husband cheating again. At first when I caught him, I was in such denial about the whole thing. I was very angry and hurt at what he did to me. Every now and then he let’s me now how beautiful I am, brings me roses, tries to do very sincere things for me and letting me know that I’m the only one for him.
Thank Jen... It's been horrible and like your husband I wish I could change it all. I try my hardest to reassure him and keep him from his thoughts...but they are his thoughts. He doesn't believe in counseling he thinks that if we can't work it out on our own we don't belong together and honestly some days I question how much longer I can claw myself to this marriage. I hope things go well for you.. I believe the counseling will make the difference for you. Having that neutral party involved is awesome. What doesn't help our situation is I'm a very social person..I love to be with other people and he's so introverted. And in the past few years I've been getting out and about more and I know that bothers him. We have our good and bad days like everyone else. Best of luck!!!
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