tomorrow is the first of many big days...

We go to court for the temporary orders from the judge. I'm torn between looking forward to it and and being scared to fucking death. I know I've done nothing at all to jeopardize my kids staying with me..but you hear those horror stories, and it's hard not to listen.

Here's what I think is going to happen. We're going to be put under a "under the same roof order" we have to live in this house till all the decisions about the divorce, custody and money divide happens. There's really nothing I want beyond my kids. Give me them and we'll be just fine. Honestly we've made it through this far with you only being a contributor of money I'm sure I'll struggle but I can take them the rest of the way.

I was thinking of all the things we've done as a family and honestly very few things come to mind. You see J wasn't all that interested in me until I wanted to leave. In fact most family vacations I've done alone. He rarely watched the kids when they were babies. I know for a fact he couldn't get any of them to their Doctors office or dental office....he just met the boys teachers 2 weeks ago at their school function. He doesn't know where shot records are, birth certificates or social security cards. Heck in the papers he sign JV's birth date is wrong in every single spot and C's birth date is wrong in one spot. Yet he wants full custody with child and spousal support...why did he have to go for that.

Why didn't he just do the shared parenting. I don't want to take the kids from him...ever. He's not a horrible person. He's just not the person for me. But most who know me know I won't take this lying down. I'll be in court tomorrow ready to fight. I won't fight for my pride, or to keep us together...I'm going to fight for what's fair...my kids...no amount of taking them out, having your parents buy them things, or taking them places you've NEVER taken them to before is going to change the way you've interacted with them their whole lives. Your a day late and a few dollars short.

I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes...weather from here or the 5 o'clock news...JUST KIDDING...