So here I sit...hiding out in my room. I picked up my daughter today and came home to seeing his car in the driveway. My phone had died while I was sleeping at my friends house, so I didn't get his text that he was coming to the house. He has the flu that I had last week. I feel bad...it was horrible. I'm sure he feels it bad.
I came inside and here he's lying on the couch. Now mind you 2 of the kids haven't had it yet..so it's very important to keep it contained. So I woke him up and told him to go to our sons bed. He won't get in our bed. Something about he just can't face our bed. Well whatever because J.V.'s bed SUCKS. He did say he was sorry for being so nasty the day I came home sick. At least he finally spoke to me.
I truly believe he thinks I hate him. I really don't...I just don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to cause him hurt either. And we were both hurting a lot this past year. It needed to end. Our relationship was very far from healthy. I believe it was emotional warfare. Holding grudges. Staying angry when we swore we weren't. Dis-trust...lying..holding back. It has just been so much pain that I couldn't take it anymore. I want to be happy again. I want to know that the person I'm with trusts me. I want to know that the person I'm with desires to be with me. That they crave every fiber of me.
We tried to fix it honestly we did. I think we have healing to do. Will we ever be married again...no... but will we be friends again..Yes..I believe so. Like I've said all along. I don't hate him I understand where he's coming from. We both have valid points and we both see things in our own way. I just hope he's able to heal and move on with his life....hell I hope the same for me.
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