We truly haven't spoken since Friday night and actually I'm alright with that. I went to find legal help yesterday. Sounds expensive and still trying to work it out about keeping kiddos with me as I feel he's unstable at times. Not that I think he would hurt the kids (I have enough mental health issues in my family if I thought for one second he would hurt himself or the kids I'd be OUT OF HERE!!!) When I say unstable I mean just everyone around him feels his angry and sadness. Its really not a healthy environment for the kids honestly.
And it's no longer a healthy environment for me. Not only have I put myself on the back burner both emotionally and physically..I've but some of my relationships on the back burner. Relationships that I've had for many many years. Even newer healthy relationships I've put on hold not knowing where I was going or what I was doing. Well I've made my mind up I know where my life is heading and I've haven't felt this good in 3 years.
Now I'm not all "head in the clouds" floaty...I know I'll have more bad days than great. The loneliness is going to be very difficult to deal with. It doesn't matter that we will live in the same house for now. We are no longer what we once were. My focus is on my kids...I have to make sure they feel safe and loved by not only me but also by him. It's time this 13 year old girl stuck in a 37 years old body pulls up her big girl pants and looks out for her kids. They come first and pushing for them to have a great relationship with their dad. I need to learn to communicate with him on a level that's friendly and workable for all of us. The tension needs to dissipate. I don't want them to live in a constant state of tension, anger and hurt. I want them to heal first!! I just hope and pray we can work things this way...
No comments:
Post a Comment