Well that's what his therapist told him. Of course it was one of the last things he said so I'm thinking it was the hook to make sure hubby would come back to him. Look I'm all for therapy...I'm truly hoping it helps... because no matter what happens between him and I...we have to find a way to communicate. We have kids and they deserve better than what we have been giving them. We have to learn to deal with each other to be parents to our children.
Hubby gave the guy the whole back story I'm guessing a condensed version as it was only 1 hour long. During the conversation the dungeon and our BDSM was brought up. This guy has never had patients with BDSM issues. As I try to explain to hubby BDSM has nothing to do our issues that its how I don't feel loved or respected by him, he got defensive saying "but I tell you all the time that I love you". My first love language is acts of service with words of affirmation being second. When I responded with you can say you love me all you want but not having a working shower after 5 years shows me just what you think of me. (he can pretty easily fix our shower, the only one, but for some reason he just never has even though I've been begging him to for all these years.) I'm a pretty basic girl..give me a shower and I'm putty in your hands. Oh you love me enough to fix that shower so I can take a shower how wonderful *swoon*.
Hubby truly believes that ALL of our issues are related to BDSM, his ED and my cheating. While I'm not saying they having nothing at all with it...they influence it yes..but the ROOT of our issues boil down to feelings of not being loved, respected or cared for at all. Than add in me being an enabler and my way of keeping the peace which really is me bottling all my feelings and making sure nothing upsets him. I do anything and everything to avoid conflict with him. I do anything and everything to make sure he's reactions to any type of stress or new situation is positive to the point that I take that stress on myself. That is my main issue within myself. I have to stop this behavior.
So my ending to our conversation last night i think made him think. I haven't really heard a response per say but I'm sure it dug in a bit. I am no longer taking responsibility for your reactions. I'm no longer taking responsibility for your feelings. Your feelings are yours and you need to learn how to process through your emotions and feelings. I'm no longer going to feel guilty for having really good friends who I can lean on in times like these. I'm not going to apologize for being an extrovert. I'm going to be the real me with or without you. No longer will I behave different when your with me to avoid having conflict with you later about my behavior. I no longer will avoid conflict or situations that will cause conflict with you. I love you and always will we will forever be apart of each other's lives. I vow to you to find a way that we can communicate that helps you not hinders you in any way. I than told him I had to get ready for work... he asked if I would move back into our bedroom and I told him no not at this time. We've proved time and again that once we have sex we stop discussing the issue at hand and believe it's all fixed. This will take some time and no I have no timeline in mind. He seemed upset at this but as I said I really had to get to work.. I guess we'll see Friday night we are going to our restaurant and see if we can talk some more...
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