I kissed my daughter last night and told her that I loved her. Up to that point I hadn't cried at all yesterday. I do love her unconditionally..no matter how upset I am that she had sex with her boyfriend, no matter time of day or how clean her room is...I love her. I knew this day would come. In some ways she's very much like me. She loves to cuddle to hug and touch. She loves her friends and would do just about anything for them. She has always been a very empathetic person...even when she didn't speak. She's a lover of all things happy and really she's a good kid in general. She wants to show her love and to be loved in return. I'm not saying I'm ok with this situation but it's something I understand.
So why did I get so upset yesterday. I got upset because she lied to me about it..she felt as though she couldn't tell me and that upsets me. We've always been able to talk about most things so what has changed between us. I'm upset that the only reason I found out is because her boyfriend wasn't listening to me. I sat there explaining why it was so very wrong,on a legal level, for him to send pics of his penis to her and all he was thinking about was what we were going to do about that baby. When he asked about the baby I about died. I ran outside to vomit...it was confirmed what I already suspected...they had sex. I'm upset over the fact that neither one of them are emotional ready for something like this. I'm upset that she's only 15 I was hoping for her to keep her innocence a bit longer than 15 years.
What information made yesterday's news a bit easier to digest? Well they used a condom for one!! I guess all these talks her and I have had worked on that bit!!! He claims to be a virgin so a bit less testing for her to have done at her very first appointment with a GYNO doctor. And I do feel as though they truly care for each other.
I know our relationship has changed. The next few weeks are going to be touchy. The emotional fall out from her and her father is going to stress me. But like all things this too shall pass. One day our trust will rebuild. One day we'll laugh about all this. One day she'll open up to me again...I just miss my little girl!!!
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