Monday, February 18, 2013

One of the hardest things I've ever written...

30lbs.

Wow that's a lot of weight...that took me so much time to lose. And I gained it all back in what seems like no time at all..but in all honesty it was 3 months. I backslid. I failed. I didn't do the work. I didn't take the time to take care of me. There's so many things I didn't do. And it's all on me. I have no one to blame but myself.  I will give no excuses.

The worst is feeling that I have failed others. I have a weight loss coach who's also my very good friend as well as just a general kick ass kind of guy. I call him "My Mike". He's the one I fear I've disappointed the most. He's the one I fear hearing that "sigh" from. Not that I don't deserve it...I totally do!!

Still I hate to think that in some way I've hurt him at the same time hurting myself. I'm not doing this weight loss for him it's all for me, but he's the one who's been with me through it all..from the very beginning!!! I owe so much to him I'll never be able to repay him (right now he's saying yes you can you can get your butt back on track).

So here I sit...writing this out wanting nothing more than to not have to deal with all of it. But I must..I cannot go totally back to where I was.. I have my plan, I'm prepping my life, cleaning out the garbage dusting off the treadmill. I will get back on my journey to health...I will get back to the lowest weight again. This I promise to myself.

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