bashing

We all screw up, we all have issues, most of us try to inflict the least amount of harm to those around us. so why when a relationship ends do people feel it necessary to bash the hell out of the other party? With my marriage ending and my friends and family being told...why do most assume I want to bash the hell out of him? I don't!! he's forever in my life. And up until the past few years things were good. He can be a loving and wonderful father. He for the most part showed me respect and love. I don't want to go the rest of my life trying to find fault with him. I wouldn't be leaving him if I didn't already find enough fault.

I don't need the negativity either. once you start down that "well he did this to me...he's such a so and so" train of thought. You just feed into a very negative head space and right now I need to be positive and realistic of where my life is headed. Playing the blame game will get you no where quick. We both screwed up...we both can't forgive.. we both are ending this marriage. Also I believe once you start that blame game you bring a certain chip on your shoulder and guess what sweetie EVERYONE sees it. Even your kids.

So to keep myself in check, because I know my mouth gets me in some of the worst trouble, I only contact him through email. That way every time I go to write something I make sure it cannot be read as bitchy or self-centered. I'm trying my hardest to keep the time with the kids as fair as possible (and yes he's actually being very agreeable with it all), I'm also keeping contact to a minimum. We both need this separation. We both need this break to be as clean as possible. I know J very well and I'm sure his head and even physically he's a mess right now. Me I try to be strong but I have a few friends whom make me cry every time I talk to them (please don't stop texting and talking it's what's getting me though)...and please don't get me thinking about my kids...I haven't cried this much ever in my life. I pride myself on being the strong one.. the one who doesn't break down but I've never been through something this difficult ever in my life.

So my message to whom ever in the world might ever read this. If your ending a relationship no matter if it's a friend ship or a marriage..don't bash the other party...be the bigger person..wish them love, health and happiness and move on with your life. I know it sounds corny but honestly wouldn't you want to be treated the same way. Just me rambling through another sleepless day.....