Well there's no way to come back from this. He pretended to be some random guy and started talking to me through this "fake" profile. I knew from how this person wrote it might be him. Than one thing he said tipped me totally off and that's when my nasty side erupted. I made up all sorts of crazy stories of things I have done, I mean some off the wall crap and he bought it hook line and sinker. So I wanted to end the game I requested to meet "him" at a local fast food joint...got there that day at the scheduled time but I hid my car... sure enough about half an hour late..he pulls into the parking lot. I was so pissed I knew if I talked to him I would not be able to stop myself from hurting him. Trying to trap me like that is the lowest of the low.. than I get home to find out he's been going through the my laptop...going through my accounts again. There's no way to recover from this. Yes I cheated, I was wrong on so many levels but I've done so much to try to reassure him that I'm good that we were good that we could make it....I'm tired of being the only one doing the work.
I was working hard at keeping us together and he threw that out the window. Well after a year of trying I'm done. I want this pain to end..I don't want to continue opening myself up for this type of pain. The fighting in front of the kids is not health..that's how I was raised and let's just say NO THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!! My 10 year old asked me if I thought Dad loved me..I told him yes I think dad does but he has a hard time expressing it. He said well at least he could be nice to you. That says a lot. That kid is keyed in. I swear J doesn't understand that his kids can read every mood he has. They know when he's upset they know when he's happy. And no he hasn't been happy in a very long time. His mood swings and depressive tendencies show on those kids so much. I know they can read mine just as well...but I explain things to them..that yes mommy is sad and no she doesn't want to leave them but that having time with time is just as important as time with me.
So for those curious..no neither one of us is moving out at this point (who could afford that)... Since we work opposite shifts we've set up a system that we each get time with the kids everyday. On days I work I take the kids to school and pick them up just like every other day with the difference of when it's time for J to come home I leave and go to my parents. Than on the days I'm off..one day I get 24 hours with them at the house than he gets the other...the only issue I foresee and we haven't worked it out is when I have days off during the week and work the weekends. He can't switch his days so I'll still have to take the kids to school and such...it's a work in progress..and I know on my part I'm trying to be very fair with even amounts of time, as close as I can get!!! During the week I get shafted on time because they are at school but come summer I'll have more time with them..so really it's just a shift.
For me I wanted to keep them in the same house not just rip them from their home...not when emotions are still so new and everything is changing already. I know my kids and they wouldn't be able to handle having their world swept up like that. It would cause 10times more harm than they are already experiencing. So for now yes we still live in the same house at different times...it's almost like shared housing with shared parenting. I know there's going to be difficult decisions coming up and at one point we'll have to move but for now this is working. With my shift I wouldn't want my kids left alone all night anyways..way too young for that.
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