We seem to have gotten into a routine. Our days during the week seem to run like normal. I take the kids to and from school..only difference is when it's time for him to come home I leave. For now I'm sleeping at my parents house for a few hours than heading into work. So far it's working for us. I feel better knowing my kids don't have to shuffle around that it's him and I who are doing the shuffling. Than on my 2 days off (they are different every week) I take one day he takes the other. So far we have been very adult about the whole situation. Which honestly i didn't think he would be childlike about it...but he is being very fair.
Next week they are on Spring break so I'll have them all day with me. So I'll get some extra time with them which will be nice because next Friday I leave for my race in North Carolina. I cannot wait to finally meet my M..he's been such an influential part of my life for the past year.He always makes things better for me. He gives me a different view point and isn't afraid to piss me off. He just says what he knows needs to be said.
I'm starting to feel a bit back to normal. I can laugh and not feel guilty about it. When talking about the situation I don't burst into tears quite so fast. I'm still pretty touchy talking about my kids. I haven't laid eyes on J or spoken to him since last week. I think we needed this separation. We need to have a cool down period so once we do start talking again hopefully we can be more adult and get things accomplished.
I'm thinking we'll need to hire a mediator. Or maybe talk through our therapists. But that will all come with time.
I spent yesterday with a couple of my good friends. Who told me to start living again. I wasn't sure I should. Should I be down and depressed, should I keep my happiness to myself. How should one act when they end a marriage of 18 years? Well why should I act anyway but like myself? So today since my conversation with my friends I've done some things to help me feel better. I've painted my nails, taken a nice long bubble bath, planned a date night tonight with the kids (tonight's my night) cleaned up the house and paid my bills and for the first time in weeks..I ran 3 miles..... Yes they are all typical tasks that seems meaningless to others, but to a depressive type personality who was going down a dark tunnel all of that added brightness my life a bit. Add them all up and you have a light to guide yourself with. I have to keep looking forward not back. What has gone on in the past is just that the past. It's time to put on the big girl panties, be the good mom that I know that I am, be respectful and kind about the relationship that's ending but know that my life has not ended. I have 3 young people dependent upon me to be their rock, to be the one they cry too, to be the one they can call for cuddles when needed. I'm here now to love, honor and protect them in all sense of those words. I am a mom and forever will be...I'm just no longer married....
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