I can no longer keep up the facade. I am dying inside. I'm tired I'm lonely and I hurt. You tell me all I ever think of is myself well its time I make you right. From here on out I take care of me first.
I have caused so much heartache and pain. You deserve better than what I can give you. You deserve to have a partner you can trust and believe in. You deserve someone who loves you to beyond the moon. You are an amazing person and I will forever love you, but I have to take care of me and my heart now.
I need to learn to love myself. Every bit of me. From my twisted thought process to my messed up teeth. I have to learn to accept that I am a sexual being. I have to learn to listen to my inner voice. I have to learn to accept that I am who I am. I have to learn that I am beautiful both inside and out. I have to learn to love me and most of all I have to learn to forgive myself. I have to learn that telling someone my feelings is a way of showing them love.
But for now I need you to know this. I forgive you. For all the things that you did that were wrong and you knew it and for all the things that pissed me off and I never told you. I apologize for not telling you how I truly feel all the time. I'm sorry for pushing you into the BDSM. I'm sorry I never felt comfortable enough with you to tell you about my darkest fantasies and desires. By keeping my mouth shut I have done you a very big disservice. You were never given a fighting chance by me keeping my feelings to myself. How could you know I wasn't alright when I kept telling you I was fine.
I'm sorry things are ending this way. I thought for sure we wouldn't part till we died. We'll always be connected, we'll always be in each others lives in one form or fashion. I just hope that at some point you can truly forgive and move on from all that I've done to you. I hope you learn to trust again someday...I hope you get the love of your life one day....you deserve that.
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